Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Blatant prejudice.

I am terrified. I am about to reveal the secret inner working of my soul here. Unbeknown to any, I have a small 'meeehh' to reveal. (Meeehh is pronounced in 'small squished meerkat trying hard not to let anyone else know its been squished' voice)
Ok. Here we go. Deep breaths, deep breaths.

I don't like Dutch people.

I know, I know, in todays PC society, the shock and horror you must be feeling right now to hear someone proclaiming her dislike for an entire nation of people. Allow to me to explain.
- First there was the crazy Dutch lady and her farmer husband who went insane (er) on me during my farm work experience, and chased me off the farm wielding a shotgun for asking no more than 'So, what are we doing today?"
- Then there was my flatmate K's husband A, who shagged round behind her back with various interbimbos. Dutch. (Him. Not sure about interbimbos).
- Every single dutchoid I have ever met has a bizarre sense of humour. Which seems to come across as a bizarre *lack* of humour, normally expressed in a clipped, curt, dutchy accent. It freaks me out. Seriously,maybe it's not so bad in A'dam when they can have all the pot and canals they want, maybe overseas they are suffering from tulip and clog deficiency and it turns them into fucktards.
- Tulips. I mean,seriously. Fields and fields of freaky tulips, and they can't manage to make a black one. And they've been trying for some time. I hate failure.
- Rembrant. Actually, scratch that, let's say the entire class of Dutch Masters. Paintings that only belong in a brown cafe, because they looked like they've alredy been smoked at for five hundred years. Brown, murky, realist paintings of ugly flowers, dead pheasants, and ugly dead people. Oh, also add horrible tiles and porcelain.
- Dykes. Small boys with fingers in. Canals. The entire fact that nature wants this country entirely under water should tell you something.
- The Dutch. Live in The Netherlands. Also known as Holland. What the Prague? They should be the Dutch from Dutchland, the Nethers from the Netherlands, or the Hollish from Holland. Seriously folks.

I will concede windmills, salt licorice, and cheese as exceptions to this rule.

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